


miSTAKEn identity

by violet_quill



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-24
Updated: 2010-11-24
Packaged: 2017-10-13 08:38:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/135307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violet_quill/pseuds/violet_quill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>OMG! It's a vampire! ... no, wait, it's just Snape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	miSTAKEn identity

It was a full moon. Lucky, perhaps, because Snape needed both hands to handle the moss he was gathering and thus couldn't use his wand for light. The moon was shining just brightly enough to show him what he as doing.

He traveled here once every few years, and the plants he procured were usually enough to last quite a while in his private stores. They were only needed for some very powerful and rare potions - which was fortunate, because the only place they grew was this dingy cemetery in a small town in California. Whereas he appreciated living on the other side of the ocean, and far away from the Hellmouth, sometimes it would have been convenient to have it a bit closer.

He pulled his cloak tighter around his body, feeling a slight chill. He'd be glad to get out of this hellhole, no pun intended. He started to stand, feeling his joints creaking a little...

And then heard and _felt_ the CRACK of a foot connecting with his back. "What the bloody _hell_?" he snarled, spinning around and drawing his wand. Before he could even register what was happening, the foot came flying at him again, knocking it out of his hand.

He froze, suddenly finding himself defenseless. He could do a small amount of wandless magic, but he'd have to pick his moment carefully. "Is there a reason you attacked me?" he asked coldly, regarding the girl - just a slip of a _girl_! - with an expression of contempt.

She flipped her blonde ponytail over her shoulder. She started to say something, but that was when he noticed the stake she was brandishing.

"A stake!" he blurted. "Don't tell me you're the bloody Slayer! Shouldn't you be attacking _vampires_ instead of wasting your time on me?"

She looked at him for a moment, then snorted. "And I suppose you're not one? Right."

Snape blinked, looking slightly offended. "I beg your pardon! I most certainly am not. I'm a Wizard."

Her eyes darted suspiciously to his wand on the ground at her feet. "We don't get many of those around here," she said, still pointing the stake at him. "I have a friend who's a Witch, and she doesn't need some silly stick to wave around to make magic."

Snape sniffed importantly. "I was gathering potions ingredients. And I assure you, the way that magic is practiced around here is not quite the same as that which I teach. In any case, I am most assuredly not a vampire. And if you were worth your salt as a Slayer, you'd know that."

The girl narrowed her eyes. "You're skulking around a cemetery in the middle of the night dressed like an overgrown bat. You're white as a sheet, you obviously never see the sunlight. And you're just... creepy. You really expect me to believe you're not a vampire? Besides, I'm the Slayer, I have a sixth sense about these things." She slipped the stake into her back pocket and held up her hands. "Come on, take a swing at me. Let me see your game face."

Snape rolled his eyes and flicked his fingers at his wand, sending it flying up to him. He pointed it at her. "I remember when Slayers were really something special," he muttered, looking disgusted. "And now you've resorted to crass stereotypes! Your Watcher should be ashamed of himself."

She frowned again, and fumbled around in her neckline, finally pulling out a cross on a silver chain.

He let out a long suffering sigh. "Fine," he said, and rolled up his sleeve, revealing one pale, spindly arm punctuated by the Dark Mark. "Go ahead. Try to burn - _ow_!" He hadn't even finished the sentence before she'd lunged forward and pressed the cross to his forearm. It didn't burn, of course, but she'd shoved it so hard against his skin that it bruised. "There! Are you satisfied, girl?"

She pulled back the cross, looking at his arm as if she expected the burn marks to suddenly appear. "Well I'll be damned."

"Indeed," Snape snarled, yanking his sleeve down. "Perhaps you should be, since you've established that _I'm_ not. Now, I'll just finish gathering these plants and be on my way." He bent over and scooped up the vials he'd already filled.

"You should be more careful, hanging around the cemetery by yourself at night," the girl said, crossing her arms. "There are real vampires around here, you know."

Snape curled his lip in disgust. "Sixth sense, my arse. Go back to playing with your dolls, girl. I bloody well hope there's another Slayer before the shit really hits the fan." He swept away from her, robes billowing behind him.

"Oh yeah!" she yelled after him, sounding as if she were grasping for some appropriate comeback. "Well, at least I - I - "

He was far enough away so that he barely heard her final retort: "I'm _prettier_!"


End file.
